Podcast #41: Neil Gaiman Reads 'A Christmas Carol' | The New York Public Library

Everyone know that I love Neil Gaiman. I also love Dickens "A Christmas Carol" and listening to Neil read my favorite Christmas story is as good as it gets. I always make the joke that I could listen to Neil read an insurance policy and love it and I am only half kidding. In addition to being one of my favorite authors, he also has a fantastic voice for telling stories. Neil's reading of  this classic Christmas story of redemption is no exception.

Neil Gaiman reading as Charles Dickens

 Podcast #41: Neil Gaiman Reads 'A Christmas Carol' | The New York Public Library: Neil Gaiman reads from the only surviving 'prompt' copy of the book, that is, Dickens's own annotated version used for live readings.

Do yourself a favor, get into the holiday spirit, and let Neil tell you a story.

Head Transplants? Hope for those who still mourn for Ned Stark

For my Game of Thrones friends who are still upset about the honorable Ned Stark getting his head lopped off, there may be new hope this Holiday season.

Seriously though, I don't know if I am horrified or amazed. I think I'm both.

                                  

Thanksgiving Part 2: Embracing gratitude-an incomplete list

In Thanksgiving part 1, I acknowledged that the historical origins behind why we celebrate Thanksgiving, does not mean the same thing for many Americans, especially the Native Americans who mourn Thanksgiving as the beginning of the end of their freedoms.

In Thanksgiving part 2, I want to embrace gratitude and the endless amount of things I am beyond thankful for.

This list is by no means complete.

1. I am grateful that I have the liberty to seek the truth even if it means acknowledging the dark history of my country and the possibility my ancestors contributed to it.

2. I am grateful for my crazy and loving family and having a safe place to gather with them for the holidays.

3. I am grateful for my husband Jeremiah, for his incredible heart and compassion. He rarely complains and never ceases to put the needs of others before his own. Always.

4. I am grateful for my incredibly kind and smart son Jonas. It is a privilege that he has access to an education that allows him to work towards his endless potential. So many children in our world don't have the opportunity to safely attend schools or go at all for that matter. I may complain about hating Common Core but a humbling dose of perspective allows me to see that my child is one of the lucky ones.

5. I am grateful for my friends and embrace our similarities as well as the differences between us.

6. I am grateful to continually have enough food to feed my family as well as enough to extend a meal to someone less fortunate.

7. I am grateful for having flexibility in my job to balance my work with my personal family needs.

8. I am grateful for having a warm place to lay my head down, a loving face to wake up to, and a beautiful child to enjoy life with.

9. I am grateful for great books, movies, and games that fill our days with joyful distractions.

10. I am grateful that I have a voice to speak out, a heart that insists I fight for what I think is right, and the mind to understand that I can (and should) think and act on behalf of my convictions.

I am most thankful to live in the safety of possibilities and embrace the greatest responsibility of all...to fight the good fight in all that I do, i.e. parenting, marriage, community, and education. Perhaps it is an idealistic sentiment but we are blessed with free will...some will use that free will for evil and oppression and some will use it to promote equality and love for all...I choose the latter.

Happy turkey day everyone! 

Thanksgiving Part 1-A Day of Mourning

Thanksgiving is one of those American holidays that we have been taught celebrates the coming together of Native Americans and immigrated Colonists as they shared food, bounty, and family in a traditional setting. It is important to note that not all Native Americans share this sentiment of celebration. In fact some Native Americans have taken to Plymouth Rock on the 4th Thursday in November in an ongoing protest they call a National Day of Mourning. While our history books paint a lovely picture of Pilgrims and Natives living and eating together in harmony, we must acknowledge that many people feel Thanksgiving marked the beginning of the end for Native American freedoms. I think Mashpee Wampanoag Chief Qaqeemasq despite his character flaws, said it best when he wrote, "Historically, Thanksgiving represents our first encounter with the eventual erosion of our sovereignty and there is nothing wrong with mourning that loss. In fact, as long as we don’t wallow in regret and resentment, it’s healthy to mourn. It is a necessary part of the healing process."

Like any holiday that has been Americanized beyond recognition of its true origins, I think we can make the most of Thanksgiving without minimizing or forgetting the struggles that resulted in the diminishing of the Native American people when immigrants came to their country. In the wake of our entitlement and privilege when constructing our own opinions on immigration and who we want to let in and who we keep out, we have to remember the transgressions of our ancestors. In my family, we celebrate being thankful on Thanksgiving and we do it with empathy and solidarity to the struggles of our original citizens. 

The Loaded Couch Podcast-Episode 85: Whiskers sounds like Darth Vader

My husband and host with the most, Jeremiah, better known as ScotchHound of the Loaded Couch podcast, was determined to get an episode out last night to keep to the faithful weekly podcast release schedule.

Since the two other members of TLC podcast were unavailable for one reason or another, I got to fill in and basically just talk to him about the cool stuff we love. Sure, I knew he was using me because his blokes weren't around, but I had fun anyway despite the fact I couldn't breathe through my nose. If you listen closely, you will notice it sounds like Darth Vader is in the room with us (which is actually true if you count Jonas' 2 foot toy version that has taken up residence in our living room) but it is actually just me struggling with my respiratory system.

So if you are interested in hearing us chit chat about random things like beer, TV, movies, and video games, give some support to TLC podcast. 

The Loaded Couch-Episode 85: Look out, it's Whiskers

Personally, I think the episode should be re-named to: The Loaded Couch-Episode 85: Look out, it's Darth Vader...er, Whiskers, but that's just me. :)

My alter ego, Whiskers, thanks ScotchHound and The Loaded Couch for letting me share my irrelevant and (un)expert opinions with the world. :) You guys are awesome!

Doctor Strange: A glowing review

*Spoilers*
There are basic elements that make up a superhero, that include but are not limited to: 

• Unrequited or turbulent love interest
• A tragedy/injury that alters the course of a life
• Mutant interference (Captain America, Luke Cage, etc).
•  Disbelief surrounding a newfound ability and the choice to do something good with those abilities 
• A struggle to defeat someone/something that threatens the future of humanity

I have always been a fan of Doctor Strange. He falls into most of  the basic elements of the superhero mold without losing authenticity or uniqueness. His ability to harness magic feels relative, like if we sought out the Ancient One, it would be possible to learn how to master mind over matter...that with the right tools we could learn to bend time and draw the doorways to the rest of the universe.

In summary, Doctor Stephen Strange is a brilliant and renowned neurosurgeon with an arrogant personality to match (think of Hugh Lawrie as Dr. House). After a good lesson on why you shouldn't be a distracted driver, Strange's car goes off a cliff and he wakes up in a hospital room with severe injury to his hands. After alienating his ex-girlfriend and loyal colleague,  Christine (played by Rachel McAdams), Stephen drains his financial resources in search of a cure. Strange then learns of a man who was considered to have an incurable spinal injury and despite the impossibility of it, was walking again. Stephen seeks the man out and learns of an ancient order that emphasizes balancing the energy in the body to truly harness the power of the spirit and master mind over matter. Strange is trained by the Ancient One (played by the amazing Tilda Swinton who's name I forgot when I was a guest on The Loaded Couch podcast yesterday) and finds an ally in his other teacher, Mordo (played by Chiwetal Ejiofor).

It becomes a battle for the world when a former promising student of Kamar-Taj, Kaecilius (played by Mads Mikkelsen) steals a page from a book that will allow him to unleash and harness power from Dormammu of the Dark Dimension. Doctor Strange has to quickly evolve in his abilities and with the power of the Eye of Agamotto (also referred to as the better known infinity stone) and the Cloak of Levitation he is able to save the world by trapping Dormammu in a time loop. Meanwhile, the Ancient One is mortally wounded and Mordo, a faithful student up until this point, discovers from Doctor Strange that she was not who she said she was and had been harnessing power and immortality from the Dark Dimension herself despite preaching against it to her students. Strange later realizes the Ancient One was more complicated than that and tries to explain it to Mordo, who now has a vendetta against other sorcerers, to no avail. Mordo goes off on his own, angered by the perceived hypocrisy of his former master, and is positioned to rise up as the next villain of gray areas. Stay tuned for post-credit scenes which include Thor and another Mordo scene. 

I had expected to love the movie and was glad it lived up to my high expectations.  We saw it in 3D which was definitely worth the splurge in ticket price. I'm usually not a huge fan of 3D because it has a tendency to make me nauseous but despite the mind bending special effects, it was over-the-top without being overwhelming. The casting of Benedict Cumberpatch as Strange was the perfect choice as any fan of the Sherlock series on BBC would agree. His American accent took a little getting used to since I am used to loving his British accent but he was so good at it that I almost forgot he wasn't made in the USA. Not all actors have the ability to pull off a good, non-native accent (Angelina Jolie as Olympias in the film Alexandra comes to mind as cringe-worthy).  Tilda Swinton, Rachel McAdams, Chiwetal Ejiofor, Mads Mikkelsen, and the rest of the cast were awesome in their roles as well and brought the story to the live action screen without compromising the integrity of the familiar Doctor Strange comic's arc.

My husband Jeremiah and I brought our 7 year old son Jonas to see it and while there are some adult themes, we thought it was okay for kids.  Our parenting philosophy is to assess the emotional climate of your child and decide what is best for him/her. If you are planning to take your child to see Doctor Strange, just know their boundaries, read up on the movie, and make your choice accordingly. With that being said, my 7yo loved it and so did we. :) Definitely a great one to experience on the big screen (and in 3D if you want to splurge).

With the latest addition of Doctor Strange to the franchise, along with the Netflix originals, Luke Cage, Dare Devil, and the upcoming Iron Fist, The Punisher, etc. the Marvel Universe seems to be just warming up. It's definitely an exciting time to love superheroes.

Doctor Who-Short Trips: Forever Fallen by Joshua Wanisko

I may have mentioned I have awesome neighbors.

We have lived next door to Joshua & Jen Wanisko since 2006. It took a little time to crack the ice (I blame this on my own social awkwardness) but once we got together it was clear we were in a very good position to be great friends...1) We had similar values and interests; 2) We share a passion for the coolest stuff ever; and 3) J&J's daughter, Lily and our son, Jonas are three years apart and have their own friendship independent of their parents which is just the best. 

I couldn't be more grateful for this ideal platform for friendship and while there are dozens of great things I can say about everyone in the Wanisko family, my post today is about Joshua and the big news I can finally talk freely about...Joshua, an incredible writer and published author, has reached a new level of deserved recognition...I could probably come up with an appropriate introduction to Josh's latest achievement but since Big Finish did such a stellar job of it already, I figured I would let the announcement speak for itself:

"We're delighted to be able to announce details for December's free Doctor Who Short Trip...
In May we announced the chance to write a Doctor Who Short Trip, in a memorial opportunity to mark the anniversary of the loss of our much-loved Big Finish colleague Paul Spragg.
Being released on the 29th December of this year (Paul's birthday) is Doctor Who - Short Trips: Forever Fallen, a Seventh Doctor story by American writer Joshua Wanisko, read by Big Finish Executive Producer and Doctor Who actor Nicholas Briggs, and produced by Ian Atkins."

I, for one, have been waiting for weeks to finally brag about my friend's accomplishment so I was thrilled when I saw Josh's Facebook post earlier (below) and knew the secret was finally out:

"I can finally announce some big news. 

Short version: I'm the author of a Doctor Who story.

Long Answer: I've been a fan of Doctor Who since I was Lily's age. I think it was Timothy Millheim who really got me hooked. I've always loved the show, but if if you ask someone what Doctor Who is *about*, you'll get a different answer depending on who you ask, because it's the longest running science fiction program of all time, and there are as many answers to this question as there are fans.

To me, the core of the show is about a man who goes up and down and to and fro in the universe, helping people for no other reason than the fact that it's the right thing to do.

Big Finish is the company that produces audio plays with the cast of the original series. I submitted a story to Big Finish as part of the Paul Spragg Memorial Short Trip Opportunity, something they established to commemorate the sudden passing of a friend and colleague at the studio.

They accepted my story, it's been vetted by the BBC and it's been recorded. I'm humbled and honored, because I love their work, and I'm very proud of what I've written."

Read the whole write up on the Big Finish website. Josh is also the creator of the best blog ever and everyone should read it!

I'm ridiculously proud of my friend and am honored to have been a part of the inner circle that got to read his story before everyone else gets to enjoy it. I can't wait to hear his story come to life in the Big Finish production.

To commemorate the occasion, I thought I would proudly display some pics from the (Re)Generation Who Convention we attended earlier this year in Maryland. Our crew came with various Doctor Who backgrounds and tenure and man, did we have a great time! I feel bad for anyone who will never have the opportunity to experience a road-trip with Josh & Jen, Dave & Jen, and Jeremiah & me...it was unforgettable in the best way. Plus, it was coming home from this trip that marked the first time I heard a Big Finish Doctor Who Story...since then I've been brainwashed by Cybermen to never look at percentages the same again!

Josh and me in the Tardis

Jen, aka Mrs. Josh, and me 'coming out of the Tardis'

My Dalek love interest who despite his plunger giving him away as a 'very bad Dalek', still captured my heart!

Congratulations, Joshua! I declare we should have an opening night release party to celebrate your success. Since December 29 is a day before my birthday, I can think of no better way to celebrate.

Dead Mall Series

I love stumbling upon odd things. A lot. During one of my quests to find a heaping pile of strange on YouTube I was gifted with the most amazing find...a walk through of some of the saddest malls in the country.

What peaked my interest is the channel actually covered my local Phillipsburg Mall and it was a strange, sad, and captivating production. For those of us who still remember going to the mall to hang out with our friends in arcades, movie theaters, and McCoreys, I felt the melancholy nostalgia of days gone bye.

I immediately subscribed to the Dead Mall Series and was pleasantly surprised by all the other goodies there were to discover including gross motel rooms and abandoned places. Thanks This is Dan Bell for a great series of videos.

 

5 Times Blue October Helped Me Cope with High-Functioning Depression

I live with high-functioning depression. It is my blessing and my curse and it is very real. Everyday I get up, I pray and count my blessings, then go about my daily life, feeling too sensitive to the world I was born into. I try to lead a purpose-driven life and it is sometimes so exhausting that I have to remind myself that chugging a bottle of wine will unhinge me, not enlighten me. Sometimes I chug the wine anyway but I have better outlets too. Creating stuff, dragon eggs, blog posts, listening to music.

One of my favorite bands to listen to when I am feeling down is Blue October. Here is a list of 5 times listening to Blue October nailed my emotions and/or made me feel better.

1. Into the Ocean

"Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound, like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up and take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down..."

2. Hate me

"In a sick way I want to thank you
For holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself,
You were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions
On things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself
When it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away
That I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart
To leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you..."

3. Calling You 

"I thought that the world had lost it's sway
(It's so hard sometimes)
Then I fell in love with you
(Then came you)
And you took that away
(It's not so difficult
The world is not so difficult)
You take away the old
Show me the new
And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you
So while I'm on this phone
A hundred miles from home
I'll take the words you gave me and send them back to you.

Well I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping are you're dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me

Well I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping are you're dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me..."

4. X-amount of Words

"Relapse
Prevent trigger intent
Now drown.
High strung
Say X amount of words

You're solar, bipolar
Panic disorder
Seems harder and harder and harder
Still you try to control it.

Your brain is faulty wiring
the reason for tiring
Keep treating the curse,
Imagine the worst
Systematic, sympathetic
Quite pathetic, apologetic, paramedic
Your heart is prosthetic..."

5. 18th Floor Balcony (this was Jer and I's wedding song and it still wreaks havoc on my heart in the best way) 

"We talked, moms and dads
Family past
Getting to know where we came from
Hearts were on display
Go off to sleep
I can't believe this is happening to us

I raised my hands as if to show you I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
And I'm still so yours for the taking
And that's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
No words to say, And then you kissed me

And I knew it from the start
So our arms are opened wide
And your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are on this 18th floor balcony
We're both flying away..."

First week at Phillipsburg Primary School

First day of school

Jonas started  Second Grade this week and while it had a couple of hiccups it was, for the most part, pretty good. Jonas as always, is a well adjusted and socially sound kid. He was excited to start at a new school and make new friends in addition to his old ones. He doesn't seem phased by much and is so easy going.  Definitely more like his Dad in this regard. I have no doubt he will shine bright and succeed.

I don't remember a lot from my elementary school years. My mom is the best, she is supportive and has always been their for us...but she wasn't the type to document every little shit and piss I ever   did in an anthology of my entire existence up until this point. She has 5 kids and honestly, she just didn't have time for that and that is okay with me.

Jer's life was very much documented. His mom kept everything and wrote everything down. They have family vacations, holidays, school days, etc photographed and organized in albums. I loved when his mom shared the albums and the binder full of Jeremiah's school days with me.  It was a part of him that existed that I could never touch. Somehow I still knew him through his constants of then that are still a part of him now.  He is a snarky chop buster but he is also just a really good person. He always has been.

I save everything, a lot can happen in 7 years and while I don't have Jonas holding a chalkboard with Second Grade written on it, I have my own way of organizing it all so I don't ever forget.  I keep his binders, make his photobooks, and my fridge is a collage of his accomplishments. He means everything to me and I want him to be able to look back and know we cared about every moment.

Best of luck in Second Grade, Jonas. You got this and someday, when it seems like forever ago, I will prove it to you.

Dog Days of Summer

The phrase "dog days of summer" doesn't really mean hot, lazy days.  The real meaning has kind of been lost in translation over the centuries. It originated from the Greeks and referred to the appearance of Sirius, known as the dog star, in the sky typically in July through August (just ask J.K. Rowling if you don't believe me).

This sums up Mia's personality perfectly

Our dog days of summer were quite literal. My sister and her new husband embarked on their honeymoon in Hawaii and left their Black Lab, Mia, with us for a few weeks.








We love having her though I'm still not ready to commit to getting a dog of our own (much to Jonas' chagrin). She is a great dog (though she did think a package of Vienna Fingers had been abandoned and ate every cookie left unclaimed).

The evidence of Mia's indulgence

Jonas and Mia enjoying the playground equipment during our evening walks.

 

Mia is Jonas' constant companion when he gets home from school. She goes to bed when he does and though she starts out on her spot near his bed, she always makes her way onto his bed and that's how we find them in the morning.

We will be sad to give Mia back this Saturday but are grateful for the fun we had with her even though we will miss her. I'm glad her being with us gave my sister and her hubby peace of mind to enjoy their honeymoon knowing their furry child was well taken care of.

I don't expect Mia's visit and return will do much to deter Jonas from wanting a dog...I predict a dog will find a top spot on his Christmas wish list! :P

Anna & R.J's Wedding: Waters Edge Bayville, NJ

R.J. & Anna (not pictured: Hermine) photo by BeauRidge Photography

I grew up on the Jersey Shore with my five siblings. Don't judge us, we aren't like what you see on the old show of the same name. Truthfully, I'm not even much of a beach person (though the ocean at night has quite a hypnotic and calming effect on me). When my sister and her (now) husband decided to get married at the Waters Edge in Bayville I knew their visions for an incredible day with the Bay as the backdrop were filed away in their highest hopes. They love the shore, their new bay side home and the beach life we grew up on. They had their hearts set on saying "I DO" in the salty air with seagulls squawking overhead and the bay lapping around the docks.

But it is September and we are in Hurricane season. The forecast wasn't looking good anymore and it appeared that tropical storm Hermine was stirring up trouble just in time to make an issue for my sister's wedding.  The day before we went to the venue for the rehearsal and watched as my sister tried to keep it together as the contingency plan to move the ceremony indoors the next day was commencing. After all, one thing you can't control is the weather...they both knew that when they picked the place but the plans proposed for the indoor ceremony were not what my sister, Anna had in mind and she was beginning to break under the weight of disappointment. The owner spoke of the possibility of flooded out roads, damaging winds and all kinds of doom and gloom predictions that are sure to stress out a couple on the eve of their wedding day.

During this time, the staff at Waters Edge didn't seem accommodating and I (and our combined families) were less than impressed  with their reluctance to give my sister what she wanted...which was quite simple by the way.  She wanted an aisle with chairs for guests on either side, she wanted to be able to enter into the room with her father as her husband-to-be saw her for the first time. She did NOT want to stand in the middle of the dance floor while everyone sat at their assigned tables for the dinner reception. After some negotiations and compromises by the couple's amazing team of family/friend supporters, we came to a solution that worked for Anna & R.J.

All night as I laid next to my sister on her last night as an unmarried woman with my son (and her Godson) laying between us on the enormous bed, I tossed and turned and checked the weather for the second time in 15 minutes. Nothing changed... 3 red warnings blared on, confirming the weather on their wedding day was sure to be dismal. I was worried and heartsick for them. First world problems, I know, but nonetheless they plagued me.

I woke up in the morning to my sister tearing the curtains open revealing an incredibly bright sunny day. No wind. No rain. Zero indication that anything resembling Hermine was any where in the vicinity. We left the hotel suite to go to Waters Edge for hair and makeup and the owner told us as we were walking in that chairs were ordered and their outdoor ceremony would be happening as long as no unforeseen weather issues took place.  The staff was much better and worked their butts off to make things beautiful. They definitely redeemed themselves from our disappointment the day before.

Jonas and the sweet flower girl

Everything turned out perfectly. The ceremony on the water was enchanting. My son was the cutest Ring Bearer and did his duty in sweet earnest taking the flower girl by the hand and speaking kind words to her as he walked her down the aisle. My sister was such a beautiful bride...seeing her for the first time literally had the impact of taking your breath away. Her groom cried and it was contagious.

The reception was the best. There was a photo booth, an incredible DJ and a very large dance floor. Needless to say, things got out of hand in the best way.  Even our 90 year old grandfather had 9 Bloody Marys and told tall tales at the bar. It was great.

Me and the lovely bride

Me, my handsome Jeremiah, and our crazy kid

My silly family and friends

Now that the wedding is over, I can hang up my Matron-of-Honor hat and revel in a job well done. I got through all the planning, prep, and social interactions without being too awkward. I even managed to nail my M.o.H. speech without thinking about the onlooking guests (which had the potential to turn my bowels into water). Definitely a win! Definitely the most amazing wedding EVER! I wish my sister and her new husband a truly "Happily Ever O'Hara".

Mood: FUTURE ISLANDS

I love Future Islands. They are a synthy band out of Baltimore, Maryland that reminds me of early David Bowie and even The Smiths/Morrisey, though they are definitely unique in their own right.  Gerrit Welmers singing voice has a way of tearing me apart and I find myself thanking him for the utter unhinging.

So today I feel like almost dead flowers. I tend to be taken by melancholy when I am at the bridge of a big event, like my sister's wedding. I wonder what I will do when I have more time for silence. I fear idleness above all else. Today I made a playlist for my mood. It brings me joy in the way only only those who have been kissed by sadness can understand. It is so lovely.

Future Islands Mix
1. Sun in the Morning
2. Like the Moon
3. A Dream of You and Me
4. Back in the Tall Grass
5. The Fountain
6. Seasons (Waiting on You)
7. Song for Our Grandfathers
8. Vireo's Eye
9. Tin Man
10. Inch of Dust
11. The Happiness of Being Twice
12. Give Us the Wind
13. Light House
14. In the Fall 

Here are some samples from the above playlist:

Sun in the Morning

 

Like the Moon

Back in the Tall Grass

Seasons (Waiting on You)

 

Current obsession: Anna & R.J.'s wedding this weekend

For the past year being there for my sister Anna while she planned her wedding has been an experience I will always cherish. I'm so incredibly excited that in 5 sleeps I will be waking up with the excited buzz of wedding bliss. R.J. is already like a brother to my husband and me and I look forward to every moment of their upcoming nuptials. Now I just have to write a killer Matron-of-Honor speech...I'm definitely up for the task.

The couple I love to love

Incredible weather forecast. Literally my favorite kind of day.

Misconceptions on parenting an only child

1. We are the proud parents of an only child who is seriously the best.
2. This is not an us against them post.
3. I have plenty of friends who have anywhere from 2 to 6 children and each family has its unique challenges  and routines that make them forces to be reckoned with.
4. I'm one of 5 kids myself and my mother is Superwoman.
5. This is an open clarification to the common misconceptions and interrogations my husband and I face as the parents of an only child.

Even though I have found the most gracious ways I say, "None of your damn business" I still find that people have no filters or boundaries when it comes to their assumptions regarding other peoples lives. I'm going to address 3 REAL questions and comments that I have received over the past year alone and respond to them individually and from a personal place.

1. When are you going to give that darling little boy of yours a sibling...you don't want them to have too much of an age gap.
This is the most common question/comment and perhaps the most painful of all for me personally. Did it ever occur to anyone that perhaps it isn't for lack of WANTING another child? My husband and I both thought we'd have two or more children. When well-meaning people ask and probe me about my family plans what they are unintentionally doing is reminding me of the fact that for a couple of years, my husband and I were human guinea pigs trying to figure out what was keeping us from expanding our family. They are reminding me of the miscarriages, negative pregnancy tests, and the painful diagnosis of secondary infertility. Even if it had been our choice to have one child, I certainly shouldn't be expected to explain my position on the matter to anyone with the balls to pry into my personal life. By the way, this is also applicable when asking a married couple without kids what their family plans are...just don't. You never know if you are inadvertently a pillar of salt walking towards a raw wound. 

2. I'm so stressed out! You wouldn't understand because you only have one child so things are easier for you.
This comment is the one that makes me the angriest since it usually comes from my peers. The particular source of this comment is from a stay-at-home mom, an incredibly stressful, underpaid, and sometimes under appreciated job in itself.  I don't minimize their plights and sure as hell don't appreciate being passive aggressively undermined as a parent because my responsibilities differ from hers.  I do all the things stay-at-home mom's do too with the added guilt of working a full time job and a part time job. Not to mention, I'm a full throttle volunteer for all of my son's extra activities and at our church. Just because I don't have 2 or 3 extra kids thrown in to the mix hardly means my days are easy, less hectic, or without their share of stress and challenges. I have a friend who is a single mother with 5 kids, a full time job, and is supermom to boot and she NEVER minimizes the lives of her friends regardless of how many children they have. I urge anyone who makes assumptions about other parents to be more like my friend.  Try being supportive instead of making them feel that they haven't parented enough to understand your busy family lives.

3. What a cute birthday party your son had! It's nice you can do all that for him, I have 3 kids so I don't have time for that. 
Okay, this one really gets to me because I know plenty of folks with gardens of kids that have birthday parties that look like they stepped out of the pages of Martha Stewart Living. I ENJOY doing crafty DIY things. When this past year my son asked for a Knights of the Realm birthday theme, I printed, laminated, cut, glued, and Amazoned my way to a great party. It was fun and a lot less expensive than a party at BounceU.  Don't minimize my efforts by making assumptions about all the free time I must have...doing crafty things is something I enjoy and it centers me so I make time for it because its important to me.



I will allow that middle-class parents of only children have some advantages...college isn't as daunting of a prospect, we can afford to do more than if we had more kids, and Jonas gets our undivided attention because he is our only child. On the flip side, for us personally, we wanted more kids and couldn't have them so it hurt when Jonas used to ask why he doesn't have a brother or sister like his friends. We miss out on watching Jonas grow up with a sibling and enjoying the prospect that they will grow up to be great friends who hopefully support each other after Jer and I are gone.

The bottom line is, as parents wouldn't it be lovely if our first response was to be supportive and not comparative? Wouldn't it be nice if people would stop to consider the weight of their words and understand that there are two sides to every coin?

Anna's Bachelorette Weekend in the Finger Lakes

My sister Anna is getting married on September 4 to her college sweetheart, R.J.. I couldn't be more excited for them both.  I was given the distinct privilege of  being her Matron-of-Honor and I take my role very seriously and loved the planning process involved with being an important part of their special day.

This past weekend, after much planning, it was finally time for our bachelorette weekend in the Finger Lakes. We stayed on Seneca Lake at the White Springs Manor in Geneva, NY.  It was antique, quiet, and the girls seemed to enjoy thinking it was haunted.  Other than Lexi taking a glass marker and writing REDRUM on the window to scare Katie,  we didn't encounter any spirits or strange occurrences. Overall, it was great place to stay for a special occasion since it is a bit expensive.

White Springs Manor

I must admit, I was a bit nervous about planning the bachelorette getaway since I'm 38 years old and was planning a weekend for my two sisters, both in their 20's and my brother's girlfriend, also in her 20's.  I didn't want to be so low key that it was boring for the girls but I also know Anna is not a fast paced party girl so I wanted  the weekend to be somewhere in between.  I think on that front it was a success with the beauty of the region, the local bars, and the blowup penis Katie brought which we named Pete. There are plenty of pics of Pete but those will just have to be left to the imagination. :)

Anna, Me, Lexi, Katie at the Pier House Restaurant

 We did have a hiccup with my youngest sister getting us kicked out of a local bar for being scrappy.  It made for a great story and our guys, in Las Vegas for the bachelor party, couldn't boast a more eventful evening than we had. Unfortunately, the evening events left Lexi not feeling too well and prevented her from participating in the wine tour planned the following day. Katie volunteered to stay behind to look after her so it would just be Anna and me. The trolley was quaint, the day was beautiful, the vineyards were luscious, and the wineries were amazing. We felt guilty that everyone couldn't participate but we made the most of it and I really enjoyed having the one on one time with my sister before she gets married.

My beautiful sister Anna & Me

One of the lovely vineyards with the added beauty of Anna 

All the vineyards/wineries we toured had sweeping views of the enchanted landscapes of the Finger Lakes

Other Highlights:

Lunch cruise on Seneca Lake on a beautiful day with the Girls

Sitting on Adirondack chairs with Katie at the Manor enjoying wine and our backyard view

Enjoying this view with Lexi while sipping an apple martini

Relaxing massages followed by a delicious dinner at the Belhurst Castle

In summary, we ate a lot of great food, drank a lot of great wine, enjoyed the local bar scene (and fun cab rides), and took in the beauty of the Finger Lakes. Anna had a great time which made all the planning worth it.

As for me, I'm already planning an anniversary weekend up there with Jeremiah in November and have no doubt that he will be as smitten with the romance of Seneca Lake just as much as I was.
 

Sandman Volume 2: The Doll's House Part 2

The Doll's House Continued...

Collectors
Any issue of Sandman which stars The Corinthian is sure to disturb. Collectors delivers on this front as we attend the 1st Annual Serial Killer Convention (disguised as a Cereal Convention as not to bring unwanted attention). Though this issue isn't quite as disturbing as 24 Hours from Preludes and Nocturnes, it still leaves that grimy feeling on your skin. In summary, the convention is organized by Mr. Nimrod, a self-righteous killer who collects the torsos of his victims. The guest of honor, The Family Man (also appears in Constantine series), is supposed to give a speech  and doesn't show up. The Corinthian who is in attendance (and also happens to have Rose Walker's brother Jed in his trunk), does the honor of giving the speech instead.  In the midst of the convention an undercover journalist posing as the Bogey Man is exposed by The Corinthian. As a result he, Mr. Nimrod, and someone known as The Doctor confront him, bring him to the woods and take turns torturing the man until he dies. Meanwhile Rose Walker and Gilbert (that we know is the rouge Fiddler's Green from the  Dreaming) happen to be staying at the same hotel that the serial killers are having their convention. She is told to stay in her room but gets restless and goes wandering. This causes her to get stalked by a pedophile serial killer known as Fun Land. When she goes to find Gilbert she finds a paper with the name Morpheus on it. When she returns to her room Fun Land tries to attack her but she calls Morpheus and he comes and saves her. Dream un-creates The Corinthian and Rose is reunited with Jed. Gilbert knows Rose calling Dream will have consequences but in the meantime, Dream leaves the serial killers with the final dream of seeing themselves for the monsters they really are.


Into the Night
 This is one of those very surreal issues that I always love best in The Sandman series.  It takes you through the lives of all of the strange tenants who live in the same building as Rose. Each subconscious desire is exposed through the secret life of dreams and sometimes it is just so sad. Rose is the dream vortex and she is a part of all of their dreams. She is essentially drawing everyone to her. All the tenants share common traits evident through their dreams. They are discontented and  they all wish to be (what they perceive) better and more fulfilled versions of themselves. Hal, the owner of the house, wants love, affection, and a strong identity. Couples lay side by side, and the differences between them is revealed in the surreal truth of their dreams. Ken might want power and wealth but Barbie wants a full and meaningful life. Chantel is self-obsessed and dreams of forgetting. She falls in love with a sentence while her girlfriend, Zelda, is insecure and dreams of her own fear of her mother's disapproval of her relationship. As the vortex, Rose, is potentially destroying the waking lives of her neighbors by revealing the superficial connections between them and the discontent within them. She stands over the welded dreams, lucid and aware. Dream sends Matthew Cable the Raven (a Dream resurrection from old issues of The Swamp Thing) to go to Gilbert at the hospital (he is with Rose's brother Jed) and explain to him that Rose is a Vortex and Dream must destroy her. Meanwhile, Unity Kincaid is dying (she was meant to be the Dream Vortex when she was raped in her comatose state by Desire during Dream's imprisonment so it passed down to her granddaughter Rose instead), as Rose's mother grieves and offers Rose Unity's doll house.  Dream finds Rose with dreams swirling all around her and stops her telling her they have to talk.


Lost Hearts

Dream takes Rose to a barren part of the Dreaming so the nature of her vortex can't overpower the environment. He explains to her what she is and that she must be destroyed to prevent madness and chaos from tearing the Dreaming apart and with it the minds and the waking lives of the people whose dreams have been siphoned together by the hungry vortex. Gilbert and Matthew return to the Dreaming and find Dream. Rose learns Gilbert was part of a dream known as Fiddler's Green until he went rogue during Dream's imprisonment and joined the mortal world. Though he understands how Morpheus must deal with a Dream Vortex, he pleads with Dream not to kill Rose and offers his life for hers since he will have to accept punishment for going rogue. Dream says it is necessary to kill Rose and opts not to punish Gilbert. Dream explains further that the Dreaming was once destroyed when he didn't kill the previous vortex and the results were catastrophic. He couldn't let that happen again (Sandman Overture tells this tale). Dream offers Rose a place in the Dreaming after he kills her but she understandably does not want to die. Elsewhere, Unity Kincaid passes away with her daughter Miranda at her side. Unity comes to the Dreaming to take Rose's place. She tells Rose she must reach inside herself to give up the part of herself that is the vortex. Rose pulls a red glass heart from her chest and gives it to Unity who declares she is now the Dream Vortex and it will die along with her. Dream confirms the dream vortex is gone and tells Rose he will help her brother Jed recover from his dream trauma. Rose says goodbye to Fiddler's Green and goes back to the real world. Rose lives a reclusive life when she returns but keeps in touch with Hal and he updates her on the other tenant's from the house they once shared. Eventually Rose changes her look and returns to her family. Meanwhile, Dream is furious with Desire and despite being forbidden to spill family blood (a guaranteed way to evoke the Furies) he confronts his sister/brother and warns that if he meddles in Morpheus' business again, Dream will take his chances and take his revenge. Desire, ever fickle, lets Dream's warning go in one ear and out the other.

The Doll's House, begins with sacrifice (Nada) and ends in sacrifice (Unity Kincaid). Life is as precious as it is disposable. Our anthropomorphic, anti-hero, Dream/Morpheus, exposes us as servants and masters of our astral landscapes. Our latent hopes & desires have the power to drive and/or destroy us. A balance is necessary so that we, like Neil Gaiman's rich and wonderful characters, can't be consumed by the vortex of wanting or taking too much. We are reminded that dreams without the grounding effects of reality can be the death of our potential.  As always, Neil Gaiman digs into our shadows and shows us the hard, untouchable truth of dreams and nightmares...even the waking ones. The Dreaming is very real.

As for me, I'm eternally thankful to Neil for constantly disturbing me and enlightening me.