5 Times Blue October Helped Me Cope with High-Functioning Depression

I live with high-functioning depression. It is my blessing and my curse and it is very real. Everyday I get up, I pray and count my blessings, then go about my daily life, feeling too sensitive to the world I was born into. I try to lead a purpose-driven life and it is sometimes so exhausting that I have to remind myself that chugging a bottle of wine will unhinge me, not enlighten me. Sometimes I chug the wine anyway but I have better outlets too. Creating stuff, dragon eggs, blog posts, listening to music.

One of my favorite bands to listen to when I am feeling down is Blue October. Here is a list of 5 times listening to Blue October nailed my emotions and/or made me feel better.

1. Into the Ocean

"Now floating up and down
I spin, colliding into sound, like whales beneath me diving down
I'm sinking to the bottom of my everything that freaks me out
The lighthouse beam has just run out
I'm cold as cold as cold can be

I want to swim away but don't know how
Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean
Let the waves up and take me down
Let the hurricane set in motion
Let the rain of what I feel right now come down..."

2. Hate me

"In a sick way I want to thank you
For holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself,
You were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions
On things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself
When it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away
That I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart
To leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah, ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you..."

3. Calling You 

"I thought that the world had lost it's sway
(It's so hard sometimes)
Then I fell in love with you
(Then came you)
And you took that away
(It's not so difficult
The world is not so difficult)
You take away the old
Show me the new
And I feel like I can fly when I stand next to you
So while I'm on this phone
A hundred miles from home
I'll take the words you gave me and send them back to you.

Well I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping are you're dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me

Well I will keep calling you to see
If you're sleeping are you're dreaming
If you're dreaming, are you dreaming of me
I can't believe you actually picked me..."

4. X-amount of Words

"Relapse
Prevent trigger intent
Now drown.
High strung
Say X amount of words

You're solar, bipolar
Panic disorder
Seems harder and harder and harder
Still you try to control it.

Your brain is faulty wiring
the reason for tiring
Keep treating the curse,
Imagine the worst
Systematic, sympathetic
Quite pathetic, apologetic, paramedic
Your heart is prosthetic..."

5. 18th Floor Balcony (this was Jer and I's wedding song and it still wreaks havoc on my heart in the best way) 

"We talked, moms and dads
Family past
Getting to know where we came from
Hearts were on display
Go off to sleep
I can't believe this is happening to us

I raised my hands as if to show you I was yours
That I was so yours for the taking
And I'm still so yours for the taking
And that's when I felt the wind pick up
I grabbed the rail while choking up
No words to say, And then you kissed me

And I knew it from the start
So our arms are opened wide
And your head is on my stomach
And we're trying so hard not to fall asleep
Here we are on this 18th floor balcony
We're both flying away..."