Anna & R.J's Wedding: Waters Edge Bayville, NJ

R.J. & Anna (not pictured: Hermine) photo by BeauRidge Photography

I grew up on the Jersey Shore with my five siblings. Don't judge us, we aren't like what you see on the old show of the same name. Truthfully, I'm not even much of a beach person (though the ocean at night has quite a hypnotic and calming effect on me). When my sister and her (now) husband decided to get married at the Waters Edge in Bayville I knew their visions for an incredible day with the Bay as the backdrop were filed away in their highest hopes. They love the shore, their new bay side home and the beach life we grew up on. They had their hearts set on saying "I DO" in the salty air with seagulls squawking overhead and the bay lapping around the docks.

But it is September and we are in Hurricane season. The forecast wasn't looking good anymore and it appeared that tropical storm Hermine was stirring up trouble just in time to make an issue for my sister's wedding.  The day before we went to the venue for the rehearsal and watched as my sister tried to keep it together as the contingency plan to move the ceremony indoors the next day was commencing. After all, one thing you can't control is the weather...they both knew that when they picked the place but the plans proposed for the indoor ceremony were not what my sister, Anna had in mind and she was beginning to break under the weight of disappointment. The owner spoke of the possibility of flooded out roads, damaging winds and all kinds of doom and gloom predictions that are sure to stress out a couple on the eve of their wedding day.

During this time, the staff at Waters Edge didn't seem accommodating and I (and our combined families) were less than impressed  with their reluctance to give my sister what she wanted...which was quite simple by the way.  She wanted an aisle with chairs for guests on either side, she wanted to be able to enter into the room with her father as her husband-to-be saw her for the first time. She did NOT want to stand in the middle of the dance floor while everyone sat at their assigned tables for the dinner reception. After some negotiations and compromises by the couple's amazing team of family/friend supporters, we came to a solution that worked for Anna & R.J.

All night as I laid next to my sister on her last night as an unmarried woman with my son (and her Godson) laying between us on the enormous bed, I tossed and turned and checked the weather for the second time in 15 minutes. Nothing changed... 3 red warnings blared on, confirming the weather on their wedding day was sure to be dismal. I was worried and heartsick for them. First world problems, I know, but nonetheless they plagued me.

I woke up in the morning to my sister tearing the curtains open revealing an incredibly bright sunny day. No wind. No rain. Zero indication that anything resembling Hermine was any where in the vicinity. We left the hotel suite to go to Waters Edge for hair and makeup and the owner told us as we were walking in that chairs were ordered and their outdoor ceremony would be happening as long as no unforeseen weather issues took place.  The staff was much better and worked their butts off to make things beautiful. They definitely redeemed themselves from our disappointment the day before.

Jonas and the sweet flower girl

Everything turned out perfectly. The ceremony on the water was enchanting. My son was the cutest Ring Bearer and did his duty in sweet earnest taking the flower girl by the hand and speaking kind words to her as he walked her down the aisle. My sister was such a beautiful bride...seeing her for the first time literally had the impact of taking your breath away. Her groom cried and it was contagious.

The reception was the best. There was a photo booth, an incredible DJ and a very large dance floor. Needless to say, things got out of hand in the best way.  Even our 90 year old grandfather had 9 Bloody Marys and told tall tales at the bar. It was great.

Me and the lovely bride

Me, my handsome Jeremiah, and our crazy kid

My silly family and friends

Now that the wedding is over, I can hang up my Matron-of-Honor hat and revel in a job well done. I got through all the planning, prep, and social interactions without being too awkward. I even managed to nail my M.o.H. speech without thinking about the onlooking guests (which had the potential to turn my bowels into water). Definitely a win! Definitely the most amazing wedding EVER! I wish my sister and her new husband a truly "Happily Ever O'Hara".

Because Jeremiah

The word pragmatic sounds ugly doesn’t it? I always thought so. It reminds me of gray metal filing cabinets, organized with little colored tabs that say Electricity, Gas, Investments. It also reminds me of the path of least resistance, of doing what is practical all the time.

So what does it really mean?

(From Vocabulary.com)

The opposite of idealistic is pragmatic, a word that describes a philosophy of "doing what works best." From Greek pragma "deed," the word has historically described philosophers and politicians who were concerned more with real-world application of ideas than with abstract notions.

The part of this definition that speaks the loudest to me is “doing what works best”.  Jeremiah and I together work best. We knew it at the inception of our relationship when certain people in our lives tried to influence the outcome of our togetherness.  We knew it when their interference drove us closer together.

I am all feelings. I often “feel” myself into a slew of unproductive hypothetical laments. In my need to make Jeremiah more real to me, I would babble in a frenzy about all the “what ifs” that could have led us to a different outcome…what if our “friends” had succeeded in their interference? What if all the things they accused me of had driven him away? Jeremiah is sure and tangible. He didn’t ponder these things. He would respond to me with practical, comforting answers like (I paraphrase), I am not easily influenced or I wouldn’t be the person you were meant to fall in love with if that was the case.

In his mind, he loved me and the only logical thing to do with his feelings was to focus on our relationship. I didn’t make it easy on him; he swam against the current of my depression and anxiety. I didn’t feel that way all the time but the uncertainty of a new relationship made me a bit nuttier than usual. In the early days, I was always testing him. I suppose it was my way of asking, how much trouble am I really worth to you?

Then one day, I understood him and I no longer feared I would lose him. I trusted him.  He hadn’t been wrapped up in fear over what may or may not happen with our relationship. He didn’t fear the other shoe dropping. He didn’t care what others thought. While I nursed the selfish nucleus of my experiences, my doubts, and my fear of what others thought of us, he was busy laying down the foundation for us, making sure he was always there for me, then and now.

And I chose to do the same, not without my personal struggles, but I still chose us. We both brought necessity . We both had a lot to offer each other. Jeremiah is patient and good at everything that matters; taking care of things around the house, building things, car repairs, setting up electronics. I am good at a different kind of everything; planning, creating, organizing, staying on top of things that need to be done, remembering.  When we merged these strengths together, we became a sort of superforce. We grew unstoppably together, stubborn and determined like a trumpet vine.

Jeremiah and I work best because of what we have in common and we last because of the way we respect and respond to each others emotional climate. Pragmatic. Perhaps that word does sound boring but to see it applied to something…like when two people do what works best when it comes to something as unruly and wildly subjective as love…that is perfect.