Parenting the Imaginary Friend of Goofus and Gallant

I remember an old comic strip called Goofus and Gallant from the Highlights magazine I used to read as a kid. It always featured Goofus making some kind of bad or selfish choice and polarizing him against Gallant's stellar example. Gallant NEVER made bad choices. I always tend to route for the underdog and I found Goofus to be much more interesting than that goody-two-shoes, Gallant. I remember thinking at a young age, that there should have been another example, a person to neutralize the two boys since most people typically fall somewhere in between 'good' and 'bad' by the laws of human nature.

 
This got me thinking about Jonas and the challenges parents face when their children are coming into their own...not the parental version of a child where our interests spark curiosity in them that sometimes sticks and sometimes doesn't, but in the true essence of who they are becoming. We are proud when Jonas makes good decisions, assess the necessary parent invasion (if it is needed) for any bad decisions, but mostly hover in between letting him live and learn by his choices one way or the other.  I always say Jonas is the best of me and the best of Jeremiah but the best part of Jonas is entirely his own and the older he gets the more sure footed he becomes in his decisions. Real childhood isn't black and white. It's not like Goofus and Gallant...it's more like their balanced imaginary friend I always thought was missing.

 Jonas is our only child but sometimes there are 3 different versions of him living in our house at any given time.

The first Jonas is the thoughtful, studious, kind, and helpful version. The child who does his homework when he gets home, puts a blanket over me if I doze off on the couch, helps clear the dinner table, and is sensitive to the feelings of others. First Jonas gets straight A's, is in the Gifted and Talented program at school, volunteers and is involved in our community through Cub Scouts and church.  This is the version of Jonas that is most like Gallant and I give myself a gold star for parenting.

The second Jonas still holds the qualities of the first Jonas but has a slightly more petulant attitude. His normally inquisitive nature gets into a sort of snarky mood and during these times he can seem a bit condescending and sulky. I never met a 7 year old with such a stamina for argument. In most cases, if we simply have different opinions, I let him articulate himself in order to allow him to develop his own points-of-view. Other times, I have to be sure that he understands that a phoenix and a dragon are indeed different creatures. After all, I can't let him out into society confusing that kind of important fact now could I? This is the version of Jonas I feel would be more like the neutral character in the comic strip I always felt was lacking...aka the normal human that varies in decisions and responses. I give myself a silver star for parenting this version of Jonas and hope he remembers to say please and thank you when he is visiting a friend..

The third Jonas has no idea the first Jonas even exists. He is self-absorbed, irrational, defiant, and completely 7 yo. The third Jonas is hostile towards even the most benign requests. Asking him to brush his teeth becomes a platform for debate whereas if he is okay with having rotten teeth, than I should be okay with it too...after all, they are HIS teeth. Jonas showers every other day, and while parents who bathe their children daily might find that gross, Jonas' *off day* is a joy to my husband and me as it means not having to argue over why he has bathe or why he needs to put on clean underwear when he gets out of the shower. The third Jonas is combative about anything that doesn't fit into his exact expectations and any reasonable request has the potential to become a REALLY BIG DEAL. This version of Jonas is comparable to Goofus and my worst parenting moments hover around in this territory. I should get a gold star for simply not going full throttle, bat shit crazy when dealing with third Jonas.

Third Jonas likes to throw all of his stuff on the floor all at once and has a temper tantrum when he's asked to pick up.    Second Jonas understands that being organized is good and all but enjoys having his 'mad-scientist' messy place. First Jonas enjoys his tidy desk and knows just where all his favorite Legos are when he wants to play with them.

Since many days, Jonas is all three versions of himself finding a parenting balance is the key to my sanity. Sometimes that means reconciling my frustrations with the third Jonas and making peace with that layered, beautiful, and willful little heart of his. I enjoy being Jonas' mom more than anything else...it is my treasured responsibility and I'm grateful to share the privilege with his amazing Dad.  I can only hope that someday Jonas' passionate resistance to hygiene will be redirected and harnessed to change the world...but for now, I will just settle for him changing his underwear. 

Inauguration Day

I almost decided to stay silent. I didn't see a point in expressing my feelings when so many others spoke them much better than I ever could.

Alas, it's Inauguration Day. Today, I am heartbroken.

Many Trump supporters call people like me *snowflakes*. They tell us to go kill our selves. They tell us they will drink cups of liberal tears as they take back their nation from the liberals (as though the amazing country we all live in somehow belongs to them and their ideals alone). They believe God answered their prayers and gave our country Trump and I wonder if they really understand Christianity at all since this is a man who has lied, cheated, adulterated, and rose high at the expense of so many others (just look what he did to honest Americans with his Trump University scam). He is now an American President who refuses to show his tax returns and says avoiding paying taxes makes him smart. He has made a career out of finding every loophole imaginable to benefit himself. He goes into office with more than 50 lawsuits against him (including ones where he is accused of sexual assault). His narcissistic ego consumes him to the core and his thin-skinned petulance becomes clear in his all night Twitter tirades (because God forbid you don't agree with him). While not shocked that he was elected, I am no less horrified.  It has nothing to do with Donald Trump the Republican and everything to do with Donald Trump the terrible human being...his supporters can call me what they want, but I can never respect a man as small as Trump, office of the President or not. I have disagreed with Republicans on many social issues but respected their positions on fiscal responsibility and often admired them as people.

Donald Trump is so much different.  People should be afraid...so much is at stake.

• People should care that their President can't even rise high enough to let an insult roll off of him.
• People should care that their President wants to overturn Executive Orders that keep women, minorities, and LGBTQ safer.
• People should care that their President, who claims he is going to *drain the swamp*, yet appoints some of the most wealthy, corporate cronies with more special interests than experience. And those he appointed with experience have an oppressive voting history.
• People should care about the rights of others...a woman's right to choose, a gay couples right to marry who they love, a Muslims right to wear a burqa or hijab, and an immigrants path to citizenship, etc.
• People should care that their President has no respect for women, has bragged about assaulting them, and has insulted anyone who doesn't meet his standards for beauty.
• People should care that their President has mocked people with disabilities, insulted Gold Star families, and Civil Rights Activists.
• People should care that their President lies constantly and even when he is fact checked, sees no reason to retract (which reveals exactly what he thinks about the intelligence of his supporters). 
• People should care that their President is quick to repeal the Affordable Care Act without another option in place. The ACA is flawed and needs work but has many great moving parts to build off and improve upon. It seems the move to repeal with no alternative suggestion is more about dismantling Obama's legacy than  it is about the millions of Americans who count on the ACA for their healthcare.
• People should care that their President is making us a worldwide laughing stock but that the joke is now no laughing matter and the global economy is at stake.
• People should care that their President isn't diplomatic and that already his Tweets and statements have the potential to put our Nation in danger.
• People should care that their President defends Putin, a war criminal and oppressor, and undermines the US Intelligence when they reveal that Russia interfered with the US election in favor of a Trump presidency. 

Because I care about these things, many Trump supporters  will think I'm not patriotic. They will forget the terrible way they spoke about President Obama and his family...many times these attacks were personal and had nothing to do with disagreeing with Obama's policies. I am not sorry to say that I have no respect at all for President Trump. I believe him to be an illegitimate President that Russia helped elect, who didn't win the popular vote, and who refuses to sever himself from his business (giving the business to his sons is a bunch of crap) in order to devote himself to the best interests of Americans.

I can't be silent. I have to lend my voice to those in need of solidarity. I need to give a hand to anyone else feeling down right now. We have four years left.  Let's make them count by checking Trump at every turn. Let's get out and vote in 2 years to replace stagnant members in government. Most importantly, let us never forget that LOVE TRUMPS HATE.

Cool Things to Get Into: 2017 Update

I have posted before about cool things I'm into but since my curiosity  is never satiated I'm always looking for new and exciting ways to enrich my life and imagination.  Depending on the day and the climate of my particular attitude, a long commute can be a great space of time to fill with stories, news, theories, and more. Because my commute is what it is, it allows me the time to devote myself to my favorite podcasts without getting in the way of my other interests and obligations.

So here it goes...some of my favorite suggestions for making your 2017 a little bit more fun.

What I'm listening to:

Podcasts:
The Loaded Couch: Fantastic variety show about beer, video games, TV, movies, and general hilarity with a great host dynamic. They have a consistent show format with regular weekly releases.

Limetown: There isn't enough I can say about this awesome series. It is a continuous mystery so you will have to start at the beginning but it is such a cool format. It takes shape through the perspective of a
journalist who will stop at nothing to find out where 300 people from a testing/research site called Limetown, have disappeared to. The closer she gets to the truth, the stranger and more dangerous the episodes become.

Forever Fallen-Doctor Who Short Trips: Besides the story being written by my good friend Josh Wanisko, it is also a great insight into the power and conflicts of our choices. It helps to be familiar with the Doctor Who universe but to listen to Josh's story, it certainly isn't necessary. I'm extremely proud of my friend's story and the positive acclaim it has received and am so happy to recommend it.

Myths and Legends: Folklore and myths from around the world are featured on this podcast. Obscure figures from Greek mythology, sinister origins of familiar fairy tales, and strange superstitions, make this a well
rounded and enjoyable show to listen to. Episodes tend to be in the 30-40 minute range so are perfect for the commute to and from work.

The NoSleep Podcast: Scary fiction at it's finest! This podcast is in the same vein as Wicked Library and Tales to Terrify which I have reviewed in a previous post. There are definitely stories that will make your heart race and your stomach flip. Leave the lights on!

YouTube: A Song of Ice and Fire Channels
My obsession with Westeros is only surpassed by my hunger to sink my teeth into any good analysis on the moving parts that drive the series. Some channels are devoted to the story and shedding light on the mysteries and unanswered questions the series leaves in it's wake.

Preston Jacobs: Great theory-crafter with intelligent reviews and insight into all things ASOIAF. My favorite videos include: Deeper Dorne, Prepping for Winter (analyzes released sample chapters by George R.R. Martin), and Littlefinger's Mistake.

The Last Harpy: Short dynamic analysis on all the theories that keep us obsessed fans awake at night. Great channel!

What I'm reading:

The Witcher Series: My amazing husband bought me the books that inspired one of his favorite games, The Witcher 3. We both tend to share similar interests so it's pretty easy and refreshing for us to recommend new things to each other. We never run out of things to talk about. The story is filled with all of the usual traits of the Fantasy Genre and yet stands alone in it's uniqueness and beauty.

What I'm playing: 

A Game of Thrones Living Card Game-Second Edition: This is a deckbuilding, faction based, strategic card game highlighting the military tactics, intrigue, and power struggles of the great Houses of Westeros (in the vein of Magic but VERY different). I got into the game during the First Edition and fell in love with it. It has a very competitive environment for play and I have been lucky enough to play against some of the best players in the Meta and attend some store championships and draft tournaments in the NYC area. I'm not very good and don't have the time to devote to improving that I wish I did, but I do love to play when I can.  It is a great time to get into the game for new players because to catch up with the current card pool you wouldn't have to back track too much. The core set and two House expansion sets are released and the monthly chapter packs are only in their second cycle. (Each cycle is themed and is defined by 6 chapter packs of 20 new cards @ 3x each.)

Happy New Year...Without Resolutions

I don't really believe in New Year Resolutions. I tend to be capricious, which may seem whimsical to some, but it is a major component in the war I wage with myself.  I can be so hard on myself regarding all the things I should be doing, about not living up to my potential. As a woman who lives with high functioning depression, sometimes I feel the pressure of needing to "do it all", and struggle with the weight of it when I take too much on.  I don't focus on the things that I have overcome, I focus on all the things I have yet to overcome. Self improvement is a process, not a resolution. Resolutions don't leave much room for failure which is kinda why I have never been good at them.

I'm going to try to be less hard on myself. I'm going to try to devote more time to complimenting myself for hurdles I have clumsily cleared (like having social anxiety and still taking the Committee Chair position in my son's Cub Scout Pack, despite how harrowing it felt at first). I'm going to try to be less distracted and more submersed in the things I enjoy. I'm going to try to give myself more free time.

The process of self improvement is to kind of imagine who you want to be while knowing you are meant to be who you are right now...and being okay with it enough to enjoy the ride.

Amanda Palmer wrote the anthem to my life and I listen to it at least twice a week.

Podcast #41: Neil Gaiman Reads 'A Christmas Carol' | The New York Public Library

Everyone know that I love Neil Gaiman. I also love Dickens "A Christmas Carol" and listening to Neil read my favorite Christmas story is as good as it gets. I always make the joke that I could listen to Neil read an insurance policy and love it and I am only half kidding. In addition to being one of my favorite authors, he also has a fantastic voice for telling stories. Neil's reading of  this classic Christmas story of redemption is no exception.

Neil Gaiman reading as Charles Dickens

 Podcast #41: Neil Gaiman Reads 'A Christmas Carol' | The New York Public Library: Neil Gaiman reads from the only surviving 'prompt' copy of the book, that is, Dickens's own annotated version used for live readings.

Do yourself a favor, get into the holiday spirit, and let Neil tell you a story.

Head Transplants? Hope for those who still mourn for Ned Stark

For my Game of Thrones friends who are still upset about the honorable Ned Stark getting his head lopped off, there may be new hope this Holiday season.

Seriously though, I don't know if I am horrified or amazed. I think I'm both.

                                  

Thanksgiving Part 2: Embracing gratitude-an incomplete list

In Thanksgiving part 1, I acknowledged that the historical origins behind why we celebrate Thanksgiving, does not mean the same thing for many Americans, especially the Native Americans who mourn Thanksgiving as the beginning of the end of their freedoms.

In Thanksgiving part 2, I want to embrace gratitude and the endless amount of things I am beyond thankful for.

This list is by no means complete.

1. I am grateful that I have the liberty to seek the truth even if it means acknowledging the dark history of my country and the possibility my ancestors contributed to it.

2. I am grateful for my crazy and loving family and having a safe place to gather with them for the holidays.

3. I am grateful for my husband Jeremiah, for his incredible heart and compassion. He rarely complains and never ceases to put the needs of others before his own. Always.

4. I am grateful for my incredibly kind and smart son Jonas. It is a privilege that he has access to an education that allows him to work towards his endless potential. So many children in our world don't have the opportunity to safely attend schools or go at all for that matter. I may complain about hating Common Core but a humbling dose of perspective allows me to see that my child is one of the lucky ones.

5. I am grateful for my friends and embrace our similarities as well as the differences between us.

6. I am grateful to continually have enough food to feed my family as well as enough to extend a meal to someone less fortunate.

7. I am grateful for having flexibility in my job to balance my work with my personal family needs.

8. I am grateful for having a warm place to lay my head down, a loving face to wake up to, and a beautiful child to enjoy life with.

9. I am grateful for great books, movies, and games that fill our days with joyful distractions.

10. I am grateful that I have a voice to speak out, a heart that insists I fight for what I think is right, and the mind to understand that I can (and should) think and act on behalf of my convictions.

I am most thankful to live in the safety of possibilities and embrace the greatest responsibility of all...to fight the good fight in all that I do, i.e. parenting, marriage, community, and education. Perhaps it is an idealistic sentiment but we are blessed with free will...some will use that free will for evil and oppression and some will use it to promote equality and love for all...I choose the latter.

Happy turkey day everyone!