I don't really believe in New Year Resolutions. I tend to be capricious, which may seem whimsical to some, but it is a major component in the war I wage with myself. I can be so hard on myself regarding all the things I should be doing, about not living up to my potential. As a woman who lives with high functioning depression, sometimes I feel the pressure of needing to "do it all", and struggle with the weight of it when I take too much on. I don't focus on the things that I have overcome, I focus on all the things I have yet to overcome. Self improvement is a process, not a resolution. Resolutions don't leave much room for failure which is kinda why I have never been good at them.
I'm going to try to be less hard on myself. I'm going to try to devote more time to complimenting myself for hurdles I have clumsily cleared (like having social anxiety and still taking the Committee Chair position in my son's Cub Scout Pack, despite how harrowing it felt at first). I'm going to try to be less distracted and more submersed in the things I enjoy. I'm going to try to give myself more free time.
The process of self improvement is to kind of imagine who you want to be while knowing you are meant to be who you are right now...and being okay with it enough to enjoy the ride.
Amanda Palmer wrote the anthem to my life and I listen to it at least twice a week.
No comments:
Post a Comment