Parenting the Imaginary Friend of Goofus and Gallant

I remember an old comic strip called Goofus and Gallant from the Highlights magazine I used to read as a kid. It always featured Goofus making some kind of bad or selfish choice and polarizing him against Gallant's stellar example. Gallant NEVER made bad choices. I always tend to route for the underdog and I found Goofus to be much more interesting than that goody-two-shoes, Gallant. I remember thinking at a young age, that there should have been another example, a person to neutralize the two boys since most people typically fall somewhere in between 'good' and 'bad' by the laws of human nature.

 
This got me thinking about Jonas and the challenges parents face when their children are coming into their own...not the parental version of a child where our interests spark curiosity in them that sometimes sticks and sometimes doesn't, but in the true essence of who they are becoming. We are proud when Jonas makes good decisions, assess the necessary parent invasion (if it is needed) for any bad decisions, but mostly hover in between letting him live and learn by his choices one way or the other.  I always say Jonas is the best of me and the best of Jeremiah but the best part of Jonas is entirely his own and the older he gets the more sure footed he becomes in his decisions. Real childhood isn't black and white. It's not like Goofus and Gallant...it's more like their balanced imaginary friend I always thought was missing.

 Jonas is our only child but sometimes there are 3 different versions of him living in our house at any given time.

The first Jonas is the thoughtful, studious, kind, and helpful version. The child who does his homework when he gets home, puts a blanket over me if I doze off on the couch, helps clear the dinner table, and is sensitive to the feelings of others. First Jonas gets straight A's, is in the Gifted and Talented program at school, volunteers and is involved in our community through Cub Scouts and church.  This is the version of Jonas that is most like Gallant and I give myself a gold star for parenting.

The second Jonas still holds the qualities of the first Jonas but has a slightly more petulant attitude. His normally inquisitive nature gets into a sort of snarky mood and during these times he can seem a bit condescending and sulky. I never met a 7 year old with such a stamina for argument. In most cases, if we simply have different opinions, I let him articulate himself in order to allow him to develop his own points-of-view. Other times, I have to be sure that he understands that a phoenix and a dragon are indeed different creatures. After all, I can't let him out into society confusing that kind of important fact now could I? This is the version of Jonas I feel would be more like the neutral character in the comic strip I always felt was lacking...aka the normal human that varies in decisions and responses. I give myself a silver star for parenting this version of Jonas and hope he remembers to say please and thank you when he is visiting a friend..

The third Jonas has no idea the first Jonas even exists. He is self-absorbed, irrational, defiant, and completely 7 yo. The third Jonas is hostile towards even the most benign requests. Asking him to brush his teeth becomes a platform for debate whereas if he is okay with having rotten teeth, than I should be okay with it too...after all, they are HIS teeth. Jonas showers every other day, and while parents who bathe their children daily might find that gross, Jonas' *off day* is a joy to my husband and me as it means not having to argue over why he has bathe or why he needs to put on clean underwear when he gets out of the shower. The third Jonas is combative about anything that doesn't fit into his exact expectations and any reasonable request has the potential to become a REALLY BIG DEAL. This version of Jonas is comparable to Goofus and my worst parenting moments hover around in this territory. I should get a gold star for simply not going full throttle, bat shit crazy when dealing with third Jonas.

Third Jonas likes to throw all of his stuff on the floor all at once and has a temper tantrum when he's asked to pick up.    Second Jonas understands that being organized is good and all but enjoys having his 'mad-scientist' messy place. First Jonas enjoys his tidy desk and knows just where all his favorite Legos are when he wants to play with them.

Since many days, Jonas is all three versions of himself finding a parenting balance is the key to my sanity. Sometimes that means reconciling my frustrations with the third Jonas and making peace with that layered, beautiful, and willful little heart of his. I enjoy being Jonas' mom more than anything else...it is my treasured responsibility and I'm grateful to share the privilege with his amazing Dad.  I can only hope that someday Jonas' passionate resistance to hygiene will be redirected and harnessed to change the world...but for now, I will just settle for him changing his underwear.