I'm in the process of mentally preparing myself for the 40th birthday party my husband is planning for me. It has my stomach in knots. I can be outgoing, talkative, and witty when I'm comfortable but it is typically on my own terms. The idea of a party in my honor that excludes me from my terms is like slow torture in which I have no choice in the end but to thank my sweet, well-meaning husband for his torments, er, I mean efforts.
I just finished reading a blog post called, 'The Introvert's Hate/Hate Relationship with Spontaneity' and it spoke to my very soul. Particularly this:
"I wanted to tell them the truth, but can you imagine what they’d
have said? “Oh, thanks for the invite guys, but I’m an introvert and I
can’t stand being spontaneous. Maybe another time, assuming you give me
seven days notice in writing.”I didn’t avoid nights out entirely; I can be quite a social character when I want to be.
I just made sure that I was mentally prepared beforehand. I’d agree
(with myself in advance) that I was going out on a particular night, and
I made sure I spent plenty of time alone in the afternoon or early
evening to recharge my batteries ready for the oncoming festivities."
Some of my friends and family might be surprised to learn that truth about me. And with good reason...a couple of drinks and being with people I love and respect tends to bring out the most in me. I CAN be a ton of fun when I have time to prepare for it and as long as I'm balanced out by the downtime I need after a big night out.
There is a party in my honor that is happening. I can't bow out and I can't be the behind-the-scenes event coordinator that hides in the kitchen and prepares food while the merriment thrives around me. I have to be to be gracious and prepare myself (which may surprise people) for being the center of attention. It feels difficult for me right now. Overwhelming. I have time though and when the day arrives, everyone will get the best of me. Even if I have to 'fake it till I make it'.
